By Patti Parish-Kaminski, Publisher
Clear communication: a marriage essential.
The quintessential battle of right versus wrong reigns supreme in my life. It’s much the same as the good versus evil analogy, with right being good and evil being wrong. I believe it’s because I tend to be extremely black and white. There’s not much gray with this girl, which can be a slippery slope when you’re married to the king of neutral.
This difference in our philosophies comes center stage when Mr. Kaminski and I work on projects – together. In all fairness, this is a situation I make a concerted effort to avoid like the plague, but as I get closer to the sun in years, it seems like we are tackling more projects together. Not sure why that is, but it’s happening – frequently.
As I poll my people, I have discovered that this is a trend for folks married a couple of decades – both the increase in project frequency and the inability to complete said projects in a peaceful and pleasant manner.
This situation reared its ugly head just last weekend. Mr. Kaminski, quite tentatively, posed a question over dinner. “Do you think we could move the bed in the guest room?”
“Why would we do that?” I quipped.
We recently hung curtains in that room – another tense negotiation – and it seemed that once the curtains were hung, Mr. Kaminski’s sense of symmetry was offended.
“Well, the bed just isn’t in the middle of the windows, and it looks kind of off,” was his reply.
I tabled the conversation with a, “We’ll see,” and ordered another glass of wine.
The next day, sure enough, there he was doing the puppy wiggle to get started on the bed-moving project. I acquiesced, and we – really he – moved the bed – then the rug, the table, the lamp, the chair and the dresser. You see, one move begets another, and by the time we were done, I had rearranged the entire room.
Our conversation during this mobility project went something like this.
“This works. Do you like this?” Mr. Kaminski asked as I had him move items to and fro.
“I hate it,” was the majority of my responses. Clear, simple, immediate, to the point, essentially wrong.
Now I appreciate it when folks are direct with clear, cogent responses, so I naturally assume that folks appreciate it from me. Not so much with Mr. Kaminski.
“That’s a bit negative,” he said with a smile. He’s so hopeful. Bless his heart.
“Yet you have a clear understanding of my feelings about the situation,” I replied with an equally dazzling smile.
“Oh, yes I do.”
Clear communication in a marriage. According to Dr. Phil, that’s a really good thing. In hindsight, though extremely clear, perhaps my delivery and word choice was a bit harsh. Going forward, I believe I’ll just text Mr. Kaminski this photo when we embark on yet another project, and I disagree with the situation. See y’all next week – on the porch!
Patti Parish-Kaminski
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